Today my son turns 4

Today is my son's birthday, next weekend is his birthday party. Such a small room for everyone I wanted to invite. Right now I'm on my way to Babycakes, the best vegan bakery I know, I've gone once a year for the pass 3 years to get my son an eggless, milkless cake/cupcake. It's located in downtown Manhattan and I live in the Bx. I don't mind going he's my one and only son. I love him more then any one can love one person. He's growing so fast, talking so much. His autism will not hold him back. He's getting so big :) my sweet lil boy. We took him to the movies to see Despicable Me, he loved it. And he loved his cupcake. FINALLY he ate cake. :) So proud of him.

I HATE THIS TOY

This f*king toy sucks sooooooo much. I hate it sooo f*king much. We bought it for my son for his birthday last year. And it sucks, it cost us $180, A hundred & eighty f*king dollars. The reason you ask why i hate it? Cause it has no locks on it, the kids can press the buttons (play, pause, skip forward, skip backwards, stop, volume up/down and contrast), and open it and close it. Oh also they are able to remove the CD/DVD. Now the box says on it 3+, my son is 3, and all he does is presses the buttons on off, play pause, skip stop, open close. He removes the CD or DVD all the time, and we've been trying to get him to stop. But it's harder then it looks. He's press all the buttons so many times that now the DVD player won't recognize the DVD/CD. And it's annoying cause then he starts his melt down, i really do not like the melt downs, this piece of crap toy sucks, if it came with a button lock, it would be working right now. Cause he won't be able to press nothing. Why would they think not putting a button lock would be smart, it's for 3 yr olds. Did they think 3 yr olds wouldn't press the buttons all the time? So if you are thinking about buying this toy, make sure your kids don't touch it, cause they will learn where the buttons are and press them alllllllll the time, even when you tell them not to.

My weird world

I've come to realize no matter how much I do not want to drive in NYC, I will have to learn, I can't keep taking the bus and subway. Ppl give me the creeps. I hate ppl in my personal space or my son's personal space. Breathing on me or him. Some ppl are sick, and they cough, sneeze out in the open. And it's like wff was my mom the only one who taught their kids to cover their mouths. I hate the touch in subways and buses. It freaks me out. And if I feel the heat of their skin touching mines I wanna scream, STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I hate ppl staring at me. It's makes me freak out, paranoid as to why are they staring at me, is there something they're looking at, if so what is it. I'm sub-conscience. I'm short and shaped weird. So it bothers to have to stand/sit in a crowd. Idk why..... someday I'll find out....

What is new in 2009?

nothing really. My son was diagnose with PDD-Autism July of 2008, since then I've been trying to get him the help he needs for him to have a better future. We started off with early intervention in Dec of 2008, from then till Aug 2009 teachers came to the house to help him, with basic things, and in Sept of 2009 he started Preschool. It a school for children with autism, from preschool till 8th grade. He's learning so much and it blows my mind how fast he's learning. They have him taking a bus which I'm not OK with, but i can't take him to school everyday. He's very active, jumping, running, and now dancing. lol, he likes to sing a lot more now. Which makes me smile, cause now i can teach him new songs.
I'm trying to get back into writing, but sometimes it takes me some time. But I'm getting back to it. Maybe day by day, or week by week.

My son's first day at school

Hey ppl, Finally home and settle down. Wow, what a long day. First we wake up & my husband and i start to get our son and our selves ready. We get on the bus and head to my son's school. When we get there i meet his teacher for the first time and then i had to meet the nurse. My son has asthma, and requires an EpiPenJr just in case he has a serious allergic reaction. So i explain to the teacher and nurse what my son's allergic to and was told to send him with lunch everyday from now on. smh, i fill out some paper work. Then i go back to the class room to see my son screaming which then made me cry, so i grab him, i mean come on that's the first thing you do. Grab your child when he crys. so he calms down and the teacher reaches for him and he goes with her, then she closes the door on me. 0.0 like a band-aid, quick and painless. So crying and all i walk to my sister's house, and chill with her to keep my mind busy. Then i make the mistake of walking back to his school and realize it's further then what i thought it was this morning. And i wait in the office for him. When his teacher brings him to me, his eyes were puffy, as if he was crying all day. The teacher had told me he wasn't cry all day, but his face shows he had been. We take the regular bus home. I treated him to some McDonald's. Then came home. A tiring day.

My son's 3rd birthday

What can i say, once again ppl didn't show up, or forgot, or had no money to come. Even tho they knew about the party in advance. But it's all good, cause next year i'm not having a party for everyone, i might just do a Chuck E Cheese party, pay for like 4-5 kids and screw everyone else. Cause it's not fair that every year i throw a party, and ppl don't show up. I waste money and food that i shouldn't have to. But 2010 will be different, no more big parties, just some small get together and forget everyone. This year ppl who weren't invited showed up, with extra kids that i wasn't counting. I was doing so much that i didn't notice ppl coming in, or ppl leaving. It sucked. i wanted to see a couple of them. But whatever, it will change next year.

A Poem i found about Autism

Autism
A Poem by Jessica Napoli

You hold out your hand to me

you have that look in your eyes
I wish I could understand you
but it takes so many tries

I know that you're frustrated
you wish that you could say
everything thats bothering you
but you can't find the way

I understand why your angry
I'd be angry too
It must be so hard
with no one to understand you.

I try to remember "simple's best"
when I talk to you
I try to keep my words short
so you don't get confused

I try to show you pictures
in case you can't find the words
no matter how you communicate
You will always be heard

I may not understand you
But you'll always have my hand
to help you and to guide you
through things you don't understand

I wish the world could see you
for who you really are
you're not your diagnosis
you're my little star...

People judge you 'cuz you're special
'cuz you have your little fits
'cuz you don't like certain textures
cuz you can't deal with it

I wonder how it makes them feel
to judge a child so young?
How can they blame your problems on you?
do they think you're like this for fun?

Yes, you hurt yourself cuz it feels good
you scream and have a fit
you bang your head on the wall,
you're just having fun with it...

maybe thats the way they think
but they're just all naive
exiled by the community
they all want you to leave

they've called you names of evil
for being the way you are
they say that you're the devil
those names aren't going far

Baby, you're not evil
you're not doing anything wrong
you adjust to what you can
and we keep going on

What you are is Autistic
you're a special little girl
For God loved you so much
He gave you your own little world

The one you withdraw to
when life's getting to be too much
when you feel you need a time out
when you can't handle a certain touch

And though you're in that world
most the day and night
sometimes I see a flicker
its the real you trying to fight

Trying to come out and SEE me
trying to show you care
but don't worry about that baby
I know the real you is there

God has granted me patience
I asked for it in prayer
I look past the shell of you
I look past your lost stare

One day you will greet me
and say "mom, I've been inside...
I know you never gave up on me,
but that is no surprise...

For God has told me many times
that you would be the one,
who never gave up hope for me
and would fight until the fight was done"

Until that day comes around,
I'll be right with you
one day you'll open your eyes
to a world that is brand new...

http://www.gotpoetry.com/Poems/l_op=viewpoems/lid=42705.html