My weird world

I've come to realize no matter how much I do not want to drive in NYC, I will have to learn, I can't keep taking the bus and subway. Ppl give me the creeps. I hate ppl in my personal space or my son's personal space. Breathing on me or him. Some ppl are sick, and they cough, sneeze out in the open. And it's like wff was my mom the only one who taught their kids to cover their mouths. I hate the touch in subways and buses. It freaks me out. And if I feel the heat of their skin touching mines I wanna scream, STOP TOUCHING ME!!! I hate ppl staring at me. It's makes me freak out, paranoid as to why are they staring at me, is there something they're looking at, if so what is it. I'm sub-conscience. I'm short and shaped weird. So it bothers to have to stand/sit in a crowd. Idk why..... someday I'll find out....

What is new in 2009?

nothing really. My son was diagnose with PDD-Autism July of 2008, since then I've been trying to get him the help he needs for him to have a better future. We started off with early intervention in Dec of 2008, from then till Aug 2009 teachers came to the house to help him, with basic things, and in Sept of 2009 he started Preschool. It a school for children with autism, from preschool till 8th grade. He's learning so much and it blows my mind how fast he's learning. They have him taking a bus which I'm not OK with, but i can't take him to school everyday. He's very active, jumping, running, and now dancing. lol, he likes to sing a lot more now. Which makes me smile, cause now i can teach him new songs.
I'm trying to get back into writing, but sometimes it takes me some time. But I'm getting back to it. Maybe day by day, or week by week.

My son's first day at school

Hey ppl, Finally home and settle down. Wow, what a long day. First we wake up & my husband and i start to get our son and our selves ready. We get on the bus and head to my son's school. When we get there i meet his teacher for the first time and then i had to meet the nurse. My son has asthma, and requires an EpiPenJr just in case he has a serious allergic reaction. So i explain to the teacher and nurse what my son's allergic to and was told to send him with lunch everyday from now on. smh, i fill out some paper work. Then i go back to the class room to see my son screaming which then made me cry, so i grab him, i mean come on that's the first thing you do. Grab your child when he crys. so he calms down and the teacher reaches for him and he goes with her, then she closes the door on me. 0.0 like a band-aid, quick and painless. So crying and all i walk to my sister's house, and chill with her to keep my mind busy. Then i make the mistake of walking back to his school and realize it's further then what i thought it was this morning. And i wait in the office for him. When his teacher brings him to me, his eyes were puffy, as if he was crying all day. The teacher had told me he wasn't cry all day, but his face shows he had been. We take the regular bus home. I treated him to some McDonald's. Then came home. A tiring day.

My son's 3rd birthday

What can i say, once again ppl didn't show up, or forgot, or had no money to come. Even tho they knew about the party in advance. But it's all good, cause next year i'm not having a party for everyone, i might just do a Chuck E Cheese party, pay for like 4-5 kids and screw everyone else. Cause it's not fair that every year i throw a party, and ppl don't show up. I waste money and food that i shouldn't have to. But 2010 will be different, no more big parties, just some small get together and forget everyone. This year ppl who weren't invited showed up, with extra kids that i wasn't counting. I was doing so much that i didn't notice ppl coming in, or ppl leaving. It sucked. i wanted to see a couple of them. But whatever, it will change next year.

A Poem i found about Autism

Autism
A Poem by Jessica Napoli

You hold out your hand to me

you have that look in your eyes
I wish I could understand you
but it takes so many tries

I know that you're frustrated
you wish that you could say
everything thats bothering you
but you can't find the way

I understand why your angry
I'd be angry too
It must be so hard
with no one to understand you.

I try to remember "simple's best"
when I talk to you
I try to keep my words short
so you don't get confused

I try to show you pictures
in case you can't find the words
no matter how you communicate
You will always be heard

I may not understand you
But you'll always have my hand
to help you and to guide you
through things you don't understand

I wish the world could see you
for who you really are
you're not your diagnosis
you're my little star...

People judge you 'cuz you're special
'cuz you have your little fits
'cuz you don't like certain textures
cuz you can't deal with it

I wonder how it makes them feel
to judge a child so young?
How can they blame your problems on you?
do they think you're like this for fun?

Yes, you hurt yourself cuz it feels good
you scream and have a fit
you bang your head on the wall,
you're just having fun with it...

maybe thats the way they think
but they're just all naive
exiled by the community
they all want you to leave

they've called you names of evil
for being the way you are
they say that you're the devil
those names aren't going far

Baby, you're not evil
you're not doing anything wrong
you adjust to what you can
and we keep going on

What you are is Autistic
you're a special little girl
For God loved you so much
He gave you your own little world

The one you withdraw to
when life's getting to be too much
when you feel you need a time out
when you can't handle a certain touch

And though you're in that world
most the day and night
sometimes I see a flicker
its the real you trying to fight

Trying to come out and SEE me
trying to show you care
but don't worry about that baby
I know the real you is there

God has granted me patience
I asked for it in prayer
I look past the shell of you
I look past your lost stare

One day you will greet me
and say "mom, I've been inside...
I know you never gave up on me,
but that is no surprise...

For God has told me many times
that you would be the one,
who never gave up hope for me
and would fight until the fight was done"

Until that day comes around,
I'll be right with you
one day you'll open your eyes
to a world that is brand new...

http://www.gotpoetry.com/Poems/l_op=viewpoems/lid=42705.html

Do you ever wish your life was different?

What would you change? And are you really sure you would. Cause the choices you made back then, made you who you are now. Do you think you would still be who you are now, if you could change the past. Life gets crazy, I don't if I would. Changing my past would be changing my present and future. Who I am now.

WTF, We never win

Well, what is new? My son has gain 1 pound and 2 inches in a month which is good, but now they have him on a asthma pump, and he's allergic to milk and eggs. wow, milk and eggs, if it ain't one it's the other. We never f*king win. They have him on skin ointment for his eczema, asthma meds for his breathing, and now he's allergic to random crap. They tell me he's under weight, but they keep taking food away. I'm so tired of going to the hospital. He's a happy baby/toddler. So why are they causing problems, and if one more doctor asks me what happens if i give him eggs, i'm gonna spaz. I don't know what happens cause i never gave him eggs. Stupid a** doctors. uggggggggggg, WTF is all i have to say

How to feel

I don't know how to feel about a lady that gave birth to me. But didn't raise me. She's in the hospital. And I went to visit her today. And I told them(doctors and nurse) that I'm her oldest daughter. Should I have said that. Since I was adopted by someone else. And the doctor told me that this woman, the women who gave me life had a stroke, and is bleeding in the brain. I'm scared. What should I do, what should I say. She has 3 other kids at home who need her. I can't step in and take these kids. I just got my own place, and my husband and I have only been married going on 2 years. I don't know how to raise teenagers. And I won't be able to say anything cause I'm not their mother. I was barely in their lives. And a 8 yr old. How do you explain to her that her mom can never walk again, work again, do anything normal again. I'm scared for these kids, they shouldn't lose their mother. Even if she wasn't a mother to me. My mom told me to see her or I'll regret it and I'm glad I went.

Wife

What is the fukking point of a wife? seriously, cause there are men out there that have never been taught to cook & clean and they automatically think when they get married that's the wife's job. It's not our jobs to teach ya what your mothers forgot to teach ya. How are we suppose to raise you and your kids? And the funny part is that you sit there talking about ya not kids. To treat ya like adults. Then fukking act it. Get up and do something on your own. Don't wait till we get mad and tell ya something b4 doing it.

Men

How is it that men think their wifes become their new mother. Talking about, we're suppose to cook for them, clean for them, clean their clothes, iron their clothes, hang up their things, watch the children so they can have tv/pc/game time. It's like grow the hell up. Ya grown a$$ men. Ya should be able to do for ya selves. Why we gotta be ya wife and mother. If we are also being your mothers, then you should be able to get your a$$ kick. Like a mother would do. Cause it's not fair ya want all this shyt and give nothing in return. Ya a bunch of lazy a$$es that need to get the fuKK up and do something on ya own. Why we gotta tell ya what to do. And the funny part is ya get mad. Then do it on ya own and we won't have to tell you to do it. And then don't do a half a$$ job, cause
ya know we're gonna complain.

So what is new?

Well, Oct of 2005 i got pregnant, and in 2006 i got married and had my son. In 2007 my grandma passed, and how it's 2008. It's a new year and a new me. In Nov 2007, we got our apt. We are happy. We have our own place in the Bx far away from everyone. I'm tired of having so much family around. In my face. It's quiet and my son has freedom to run and jump. He's growing big and fast. He's gonna be 2 this summer, and he's already a troblem maker. And that is all for me. I'll be back with more.

2007 done and over with already, thank goodness

Well, let start out buy saying that 2007 sucked so much. And I'm glad that it is over already.

I started 2007 in the hospital. My son had ended up with R.S.V. which sucked cause i spent 5 days in the hospital with him cause my husband had to work. I was living with my mother in law and brother in law, and that was no fun. Most of the first 6 months i really can't remember, it's probably from boredom and stress. My son hasn't gain weight the whole year he's been 18 lbs from when he was 6 months till now. He's 17 months. Now he's 19 lbs which is good. In July my husband and i threw a party at a rented hall for our son. Invited about 80 ppl and only about 25-30 ppl showed up. We wasted so much money. And it's never gonna happen again. Whoever went to the party are gonna be the only ones invited to anything else we do. Cause it's really messed up that ppl didn't show or at least called to explain why they didn't.

we lost our grandmother in March, and it's just crazy. How can someone be fine one day and not here the next. It makes no sense. I kissed her goodbye the night before. The next morning i took my son to the park, not knowing. Then i get a call. It was so hard. Cause i had to tell my mom that her mother had passed. I've been crying since. I don't know how to stop. We miss her so much.

In Nov. we got an apt which is great. so glad to be out of there. I was going crazy. And after that my husband lose some money, which sucked. But oh well. So glad that there is a new year coming I'm so tired of 2007. 2007 the year of stress and depression.

But 2008 is a better year. I will make it a better year. 2007 done and over with already.

-Messy

Some women make me so mad.

They are so many women I know doing the dumbest. And there are so many men who make me want to hurt them. The women I know have the dumbest husbands. These husbands walk around like their gods gift to women. These women need to see them for who they really are, nothing but a bunch of a-holes. Cause they are always getting hurt. And there is nothing I can do to help. I don't like to hear them cry and complain. I want them to be happy. And there are going to be some people I know who might read this and get up set. And I'm sorry. I just want you to know I love ya.

Soon to be mother in laws.

My sweetie's mom is driving me up the wall. Doing the oddest things. Like kissing chairs, mopping the wall, and a hold bunch of other stuff. This lady creeps me out. I can't wait till we get married and he moves out. She thinks that he's 14 again and she can control him. She started trying to control me. Yea ok, like I listen to anything she says. She makes me so mad. We can't watch TV, cause she sits in the living talk so loud on the phone. I just don't like her. My kids will not be hanging out in her house.

Why in the world do women have children?

I took my little sister to the park today and this lady shows up with her son. The lady was on the phone the whole time she was there. Her son was just walking around until he saw my little sister. He started following her. Then he had mucus coming out of this nose. All he did was wiping it across his face. He kept putting his fingers in his nose and wiping it everywhere. Then he was trying to touch my little sister. My little sister started ignoring me. So I wanted to take her upstairs. I started to pick her up to put her in the carriage and this little boy started screaming like I grabbed him. His mother still on the phone, ran to see and by time she got to us, he ran the other way. And she looking at me like I did something wrong. Some women should like get a license to have children.

My world

My name is Messy. And this is my world. I'm female, 24, and live here in Manhattan. I made this blog to let out some stress, boredom, just to see what it would be like. Well this is my first blog and I really didn't have any to write. I went to check out this program to help me get an apartment. They where closed down. I try to apply for a job, but all they wanted was a resume. So I'll keep trying. It's hard out in this world.